There is many a path to the dark side. You can walk along a tight rope never really falling off, but when you fall, damn it's hard to surface again. You can be the greatest person in the world, but all it takes is one small insignificant moment....And then. Everything. Changes.
'I want revenge. I can't bear that people might think he got one over me. I can't stand that people expected me to come off worse. I hate that his life goes on, nothing changes. He's a great guy I hear. Total accident. Most of all I detest being forgotten. All I would have wanted were occasional words of kindness and encouragement'.
It's so hard when you feel your blood boil and you wanna put right something that is wrong, but you can't. Not many understand why you yearn to do this. Or why you feel such a need.
This week a Premiership footballer called Dean Ashton had to retire through injury. At the age of 26. In my opinion, most footballers are pampered, greedy, arrogant prima donnas (with the odd exceptions). By all accounts Dean Ashton was an all round good guy. He had made it the hard way. Coming up through lower leagues before getting a big money move to a premiership club. He had so much potential and it was gone, just like that. One. Badly. Timed. Tackle. Over.
There is talk now that Ashton may sue either the player who tackled him, the players club or the football association. A lot of people are hoping he doesn't and can't understand why he would think about it.
Well let me tell you something. Unless you've had a serious injury that has taken a long time to come back from, you won't understand. There's a need for closure, for righting the wrong and for feeling that nobody has 'got one over you'. The mental torment this guy must have been under is immense. I can just about begin to imagine it, so for others they will have no idea.
The anger, subsides most of the time. It doesn't even bubble away under the surface. But sometimes; a photo, a memory, and instantaneously, it's right back to 12 months ago.
The maxim, 'carpe diem' has never been truer. Live your life for each day, forgetting things that don't matter. Let them go.
Easier said than done....