Even when we are not trying to be control freaks, it can be incredibly hard to surrender control, leave things to chance and let things that are meant to happen, happen.
Over the last few months I have stopped trying to force issues so much and surrender myself to the world that surrounds me. Not being able to walk for 12 weeks has helped enforce this and made me appreciate how much stress free and more comfortable it is to live this way. As of yesterday, I am now allowed to begin walking, though I would describe it more as shuffling. I only hope having some control back in my hands does not make me lose my new found respect for keeping the natural status quo.
I guess you could say the seeds of this new found maturity and peace were planted a while back. I think it is time I explored in detail some of the characters that surround me. Particularly relevant to this tale is a man I call the Captain.
I've known the Captain since I was about 6 and he calmly took me apart over a few games of 10 pin bowling. It's kind of fitting now that he finds his peace and solace at the bowling alley, spending a few nights a week bowling in a league. As well as this, he is the first of my peers to get married and buy a house, he's coped admirably with numerous serious medical traumas over the last 10 years and he has still remained down-to-earth, anti-establishment and basically a total dude. If you ever want advice, regardless of whether you are still likely to do the opposite, you go visit the Captain first.
Now the Captain has long believed in fate and leaving things to their own devices. He has often preached the wisdom of patience, usually when I am in a hot-headed flush of rushing around like a ritalin-starved teenager, cursing and blinding. And I am usually too stubborn or short-sighted to heed his words. I would describe him as the yin to my yang.
Ever so slowly though, something must have filtered through. For I now usually manage to pause, take a moment to gather my thoughts and think of the consequences of rushing and trying to control a situation or person for my own means. The world is designed to exist in balance; people, the environment and nature. You cannot force this balance or control it, we exist within this status quo. Why would I now want to control something to benefit myself if I am merely upsetting this balance? I am only going to be putting more obstacles in my way at a later date.
I'm not saying it is easy to sit back and let things wash over you, but it sure beats running round trying to confront everyone, blaming people for things that have happened and trying to take on the world. It takes time, but once you realise the possibilities gained from this, a whole new world opens.
I feel much happier by remembering that I can not force an issue, if it is meant to be, it will be. I do have to force myself to remember this when it comes to many situations; work, friends, relationships and family. But I always pause now and think; 'What would the Captain do?'.
I will never be promoted to the Captain's level. And I don't think I would want to. You see, everyone needs somebody to look up to for guidance and I prefer it that way.